It has been proposed that there are predictable stages that most people go through when confronted with their own death or the loss of a loved one. The stages don’t represent a linear experience but are considered part of a varied process of acceptance.
Just as there are common stages in grief, there are also steps to help manage the sadness you may feel after the unexpected loss of a loved one. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no set timeline for grief. These steps for emotional healing may help you cope with the many emotions that arise after losing loved ones.
Step One: Allow Yourself To Feel
When a person dies suddenly, such as in a truck accident, there’s no time to prepare for the loss. Shock and disbelief are natural reactions to any death, even those that are expected, but those feelings may be even more intense when the passing is unexpected. You may feel that your sense of security has been shattered, or you may feel unsafe.
Whatever feelings come up, allow yourself to experience them. Feelings of anger, sadness, and guilt are completely normal. Hiding or ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away. The emotional intensity that can happen when feelings are buried can affect your health.
A 12-year study found that the compounded stress of suppressed emotions may contribute to heart problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes. It can be difficult to cope with the range of uncomfortable emotions related to grief, but allowing yourself to acknowledge and feel them will help with healing in the long run.
Step Two: Ask For and Accept Support
Everyone needs support after the death of a loved one. It’s tempting to decline offers for help, especially in the first few weeks after a loss. Emotions are high, and feeling vulnerable can cause people to retreat. However, isolation can lead to depression and other mental health concerns that can make coping with grief even more difficult.
Say yes to friends when they offer to bring a casserole or mow the lawn. Consider joining a support group. If your loved one was the victim of a violent assault or if a misdiagnosed medical issue took their life, find a support group that specializes in helping people who lost someone unexpectedly. Staying connected to others can help you get through difficult days.
Step Three: Give Yourself Time
Healing takes time, but how much? A “normal” timeline for healing grief is anywhere from six months to two years. That doesn’t mean you no longer miss the person or ever feel sadness. The pain that comes from the loss of a loved one may last forever but could ease with time.
Healing comes in stages. Experiencing less sadness and enjoying life more are signs that grief is healing. Avoid putting expectations on yourself or allowing others to say you’ve grieved long enough. However, if you feel stuck in grief and find you are isolating more instead of less as time goes by, consider speaking with a grief counselor.
Step Four: Find New Ways To Give Life Meaning
The unexpected death of a loved one can leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about life. Bereavement is a time of self-reflection. It’s natural to reexamine your own path. You may feel motivated to take better care of your health, explore the world, change careers, or make a positive impact on others through volunteerism.
Healing from grief can be an opportunity to connect with your personal values in ways you’ve never considered before. Allow yourself the freedom and time to explore the new possibilities.
Step Five: Practice Self-Care
Changes in sleeping and eating patterns are typical during grief. You may crave junk food and sleep all day or forget to eat and suffer from insomnia. While these changes are natural, especially within the first few days or weeks after a loss, it’s important not to let them persist for long.
Grief is hard emotional work. Maintaining healthy habits will help you process difficult emotions and adapt to all the changes that happen after someone dies. Regular sleep and exercise habits, along with a healthy diet, will support your immune system and help with mood regulation.
Maintaining social connections is also part of self-care. Meet friends for coffee, resume regular meetings like a monthly book club or weekly pickleball game, and connect with other family members through text and video calls.
Is It Time For Professional Help?
If you’re taking these steps and other suggestions and still not feeling better many months after a loss, it might be time to seek professional guidance. A grief counselor can offer insights and new perspectives about healing you hadn’t considered.
If you’re struggling with depression or trauma related to the loss of loved ones, a therapist can offer healthy coping tools, and a psychiatric provider can prescribe medications to treat immediate symptoms, such as insomnia or anxiety.
Healing From Grief Is a Process
Losing someone you love is never easy, but it can be even more difficult to cope when that loss comes unexpectedly. If you’re struggling to heal after someone you care about dies from catastrophic injuries, sudden illness, or an accident, grief can be even more complicated.
Don’t suppress your feelings, and do accept support from friends and family members. Remember that questioning your life’s purpose is natural after a loss. Allow yourself to explore new options as you take the time you need to heal.
While there’s no time limit on bereavement, it is important to seek help when you need it. Consider seeing a therapist who specializes in grief if you continue to feel only pain and sadness many months after your loved one has passed.
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